Kemal Bey is constantly speaking in his mind and therefore to me. Throughout the journey of the book. But when I with him have to suffer, feel desperate for a way-out like he does, it is cruelty to think therefore that his loss would not affect me deeply. If you are a good artist - that you are, you should know, I lived in those streets that you portrayed, you can not kill hope in that new world for me. There should be a light after despair.

“She looked out the window; in her eyes was the light that you see only in children arriving at a new place, or in young people still open to new influences, still curious about the world because they have not yet been scarred by life.” ― Orhan Pamuk, The Museum of Innocence

Makbara

Dekhon ummed ke tohfhe se tumhare sab jal gaya hai,
kuch panpa nahi us zulsi hui jammin mein phir kabhi,
Ek taboot baitha hai aangan mein zinda,
shayad uska samay ka safar abhi baaki hai,
Ho aana kabhi fursat se zindagi ya maut ki numaish dekhne,
Tumhare jane se uski sirhan kuch der tehar jaye shayad.

Makabara bahut khubsurat hai voh,
Uske pedon ki chanv mein shaukeen kisse bunte hai bahuut,
Tapta to phir bhi akela hai voh sangemarmar,
Pathar ka lagav tha tumhara nahi jana tha pehle shayad,
Nahi to khud na chal deta sangemarmar ka tohfa tum par karke nisar,
Unche adab ke tumhare minar pehra denge kya us taboot ko vahan
Par poocha tha is saude se pehle kya makbara hi usne chaha tha?

Reading a  novel is like living a different life, sometimes as an audience sometimes as a character. Maybe growing old and knowing yourself you know who you are not. Therefore you interact, agitate and disagree with the author as it is such a personal experience.
It is living through opposing situations when you cannot keep the book down developing a deep relationship with it while you are continuously speeding to it's end. I often miss the characters the plot after it is over for me. Though often i visit them in my memory. I sometimes pick up new books to alleviate the pain of completion of the book, just like a rebound and sometimes am pleasantly surprised to be thoroughly enngaged in the new world.

In the bad days i marvel more at the genius, labor and sincerity of the creator. I hope i never come to regret, why i like these created worlds better though being a lazy reader.

Anth

Kabhi Saathi to kabi dost,
Bada behrupiya bhagwan ho chala hai,
Kabhi murti, to kabhi vishwas,
Dekhun kahan kahan, vichar tera hi gumrah kar chala hai.

Har patthar aur har patte mein hai agar tu,
Hai agar vaani mein ya soch mein tu,
To phir jalti hai har zindagi aur uski kadi, teri kami se kun,
Bikhra hua hai kun bebas sa bhulti gehraiyon mein tu?

Sath tere insaniyat ki dukan lag gayi hai,
Har avaaz aur vishwas ki holi mani hai,
Dekh imaan ki maut ka mela laga hai,
Zarurat hi khushi hai ab, bikne ko tera bhi thela laga hai

Kahan, har jagah pahunchne ki chah thi kya teri,
Ghul gaya tu to haivaniyat mein-jaisi meri,
Khojne chali thi tujhko har parchayi mein teri,
Jante ho, pheeka pad gaya hai har aks tera.

Abroo sachaiyi, usloon ki kya teri bhi hai lagi daanv pe,
Vishwas aur ummeed ki katrane bhi jhulas gayi hai,
Bacha nahi ab tere tukdo mein kuch bhi,
Jodun kaise teri nishniyon ko, har aatma ki teri saans jo ukhad gayi hai,
Aah! Na mar ke bhi tu kitna mar gaya hai.

Maazi

Kun tode tumne voh taalein tumhare liye jo bane hi nahi the,
Kun bin batayen chaley aatey ho, kahin bhi, kabhi bhi,
Maine to bulaya nahi kabhi bhi, Chod to aayein thi beetin hui garton mein,
Main to chali the khojne apne kshitij ko,uljha diya tumne bhulayein sayon mein,
Nahin dekhna un parchaiyon ko phir se, bejaan; bematlab phirtin hain har jagah voh,

Main hi kun hun tumhare zahan mein, kun jakad lete ho mujhe beetein samay mein,
Maine nahi buni thi akele voh chand ki siri, phir mujhe hi kun gherte hain tumahare yeh sannate
Maine nahi pucha koi sawal tumse, mujhe mat ghero jawabon ke khel main,
Nahin chahey maine rang tumhare kabhi bhi, kun bhechte ho luti hui dukan ko mujhko
Udd chalo un parindo ke saath tumbhi, jahan tum par saath hanse sabhi hi

Kya milega samay ki suinyaan mere paanv tale rakh kar, nahi haarte tum is khel se kabhi bhi,
Thak nahi gaye ho ek hi saar ki dhun se, chale jaon nahi hai tumhari jaroorat yahan pe
Nahi aati ab hansi bhi tumhare manoranjan pe, dehleej par baithti ab har baar jaane ke intezar mein tumhare,
Jantein ho tum sahi nahi kamzoriyon pe hansna kisi ki, ab nahi chubhti tumhari yeh bhi salakhein
Janti hun ki tum ko khushi hai ki farak padta hai ab bhi mujhko, par kya mil gaya is se tab bhi tumko,

Kya bematlab sa khel hai yeh, kun aajate ho baar baar bin bulaye kabhi bhi,
Keh do kaunsa karz hai tumhara mujh par, nahi samjhata tumhari kartabon se mujhko,
Ek hi rang bacha hai is berang se safar mein, nahi jhunjhlatein hai ab tumhare jeet ke thahake,
Chale jaon ab to shaam ho chali hai, jeet bhi ab tumhari phiki pad gayi hai
Nahin hai kahin ja rahi ab yeh nazar, kya milega ab us ant tak ruk kar,

Chale jaon jahan pade jayein tumhare jumle, kya milega in khandron se takra ke
Kya mila tumko mere saath aakar, bikharungi to main bhi samay ke andheron mein,
Tumhara dar hai mujhse bhi jyada tabhi to rehte ho registaan mein simat kar,
Mera na rahega kuch bhi yahan par, tum bhi kab tak bachoge samay ke is karz se,
Mere liye nahi to mere saath hoge vida tum bhi, Kya mil gaya is naach se tumhe bhi,
Kya mil raha hai is naach se tumhe bhi.

Bhagwan

Uske na hone ka khauf nahi hai,

Uske na sunne par kashmkash na hogi,

Uske chod jane par shayad ab gam bhi na hoga,

Uske hone par bhi, uspe ab aas nahi hai,

Jitni sanse jujhi hai uske bharose, bhula di gayi gintiyon ke dar se,

Uspe nisar hone par ab vishwas nahi hai

Voh nahi mere liye yahan maujud,

Saath hai uska us chor tak, jis kaam ke liye voh tere saath chala hai,

Mere kinaro ki uljhano ke vaste duniiya kahan kabhi ruki hai,

Voh aakhir hai kaun ab, bematlab ho chala hai,

Aitbar ke ilzam ab jayaz nahi hai,

Bas yunhi, ab meri tere par asastha nahi hai.

And then comes a time when you realize there is a place where people do not understand each other, do not want to, and delude themselves with feel good simple explanations of complexities.

There is a place where the incapacity of one, makes the other, shortness of sensibility of one is an experience of greatness in the other.

As if the diseased existence is a comfortable choice - a place to rest and retire.

If the sun actually would set, for it to rise every day we would be drenched in it's life blood. As we only expect it to rise and if it does not it is the weak one eaten by the demons.

World is unfair and to expect fairness is to delude oneself in the sugary happy ever afters.....there is no ever after and no peace ...it is just a journey of crystalized life blood and a full stop when there is no more anywhere to go  and no more life left to spend.

If not for HOPE....

What happens when you have lost Hope!
And you are told to get it back to live,
There are several steps you might have to undo, sew or walk anew,
But in doing so do you still need crutches of hope

Is there no life without hope,
What if there no interest in future or the past,
Is it hope, to thinkof  future and of past,
Does hope live elsewhere and not in future or in past

What if there are no desires or expectations,
From the inanimate and the animate,
From neighbours, strangers, known, unknown, and a wished self of future,
Will hope still survive, drawing its life blood from yet an unknown sphere

If not hope, what is it that keeps people alive,
Is it death, if the body refuses to die,
If not for hope, is it still a responsibility to stay alive,
To thrive in each moment, when you know with each moment sooner you will die

What does make dervishes swing if not hope of love,
What if , untrue is the promise of everlasting  love of divine,
What if God is long dead, or midway wrenched empty of love,
Will the promise of enchanting life shrvil and die.

Is hope and love tied together, poverty of which is despair,
Is numbeness the only web that is real,
Is life a painful journey of numbeness,
In fear of which, the human race deludes itself with hope and love

Maybe the warm hearth of delusions is hard work trail,
Maybe becoming a human is walking on that trail,
What if even when born with a human face, chooses not to walk on that trail,
What happens then, do they wait for the completion of shrivel, to die

Is death a choice as is to live a life,
Or is it a compulsion from which you cannot hide,
Or is it a choice clouded by menancing hope of how you will live when you die,
Why is hope a posion in life and in death, how does it matter if you are just a momentary speck in a fading memory

Demons who feast on hope, do they thrive better in life?
Or dead is their spirit of human life,
Why are they stronger from hope that keeps all alive,
Why they can still sit in their viscious mansions, when their victims die every moment before they finally die

Why I am helpless when i see so many die,
Am i still human when I see people only die,
Is this world still human when so many die,
Why are the demons victorious and humans so sublime.

Aaina mujhse meri pehli si surat mange,
Mere apne mere hone ki nishani maange :)

विराम

कभी डर देखा है?

दबे पाँव pani सा पैर पसरा डर,

इठलाती हंसी के खनख ले बीच का चीखता मौन,

चूल्हे की गर्माहट में खामोश सरकती रख,,

चमकत आँखों के थकने के इंतज़ार में अँधेरी गर्तों से उमड़ते नींद के साये,

उफनती बावरी सांसों में खौफ का बीज,

ोाने की ख़ुशी में वो खालीपन का एहसास

उम्मीद की सांसों को उल्जता समय हर ख़ुशी के पीछे कड़ी हार,

कोशिशों के लड़कपन को झकझोरती थकान,

ज़िन्दगी में सूनेपन का वो विराम,

वो डर ही तो है जो ज़िन्दगी इक हर जीत में भी हर बार जीतता है।

Secrets

I want you to sing with me, I want you to sing to me
In the dark-dark cloudy days, do come and sit by my side,
Come when the conscience knows that nothing stays,
Bring the carpet of light to the voices that all end in a maze,
Free the storm that dies without breath in the confines.

Blow these dry leaves of memories away,
Soak with springs fragrance the parched lands insides,
Collect the blessings from my swaying confidantes,
Inhale the man-nah dancing in the air, in the shadow hours.

I have shredded my fears and thrown in the air,
Blow them far-far away, spread it thin in the air,
Play the secret tunes from your lairs,
Blow the morning song my way, stamping away my fears.

Soothe the air again with your ancient songs,
I preserve these dews and specs, my sunshines,
I wish with you, as you,even if not you, I sway and fly always,
These our secrets that no one can pry.

I have nothing to give, I have nothing to take,
What I have, I did not labour to make,
I am something born and dead every day.
I am the form we together whisper away.

I am everything and nothing each time,
I live and die with the moments life,
No promises to make or break as too soon the moments vaporize,
I carry this smiling emptiness to the end, hoping you will always be by my side.

ivram

kwI Dr deqa hE?

dbe pa>v panI sa pa>v psarta Dr,

[#latI h>sI ke qnk ke bIc ka cIqta mOn,

cuLhe ik grmah3 me qamox srktI raq,

cmktI Aa>qo ko 4kneke [.tjar me. A.2erI gtoR se ]mDte xa.t nI.d ke saye,

]fntI bavrI sa.so me qOf ka bIj , 

pane ik quxI me 0hsas vo qalIpn ka, 

]MmId ik sa.so koe ]lzata smy,

hr quxI ke pI7e qDI har, 

Koixxo ke lDkpn ko zkzortI 4kan, 

ij.dgI me sUnepn ka vo ivram, 

vo Dr hI to hE jo ij.dgI ik hr jIt me wI hr bar jItta hE|

Holding my breath, taming footsteps
stamping out noise of beaming life
busy consciousness, making the shackles unseen

Posioning the sprouting hope in its bud
Drunk in fear in the darkness of sleep
Have Stifled my vision to survive

What it if i was one of you
Would you love me so, hate me so
Would you leave me so, or just let me be
Would you want me to turn into you
or Would you turn into me,
or you are scare of me

I dont know what i hate more my kind or yours
I dont know me, but I know you
You are the gloom eating me from inside

Gaze of yours that crawls in hope of occupying my insides
I have learnt the pleasure in the pain
I will peel you from my souls skin, bit by bit, piece by piece


Ripping your iron clasp from my will
Discarding you like ash in the air
I will be free to sleep like a majestic rock
Float like a feather and travel like a cloud in the limitless sky

I know you are there , but no more you are my voice
You are your confine, and never would I let be mine

You don't know yet, I am invincible in life and in death
I am a woman, you don't realize

Who are you...a continnumm of the society or a link in the chain that is significant

A breathing human or a nut in the higher order of things

A project for greatness, or part of totality with its own uniqueness

We choose our own ends, what lies in a situation

We choose what to do in a situation, and also our role in the situation

When you stop being you, then it is time to let go...

To open the window and unfurl the wings and just soar..

Messages without sound need a frequency,

If there are two many frequencies, maybe setting your life after - when you are just an addition in a list

A specie - that stands out as an achievement

It is time to let go

It is time find yourself and your company

To take that breath alon

To stop waiting because nobody is going to come

And the Truth will set you free ....